A friend of mine recently questioned something she read on this website that presented what she called \u201ca depressing view of aging.\u201d She wondered why we\u2019d included it if we\u2019re determined to challenge ageism\u2014which has been defined as \u201cprejudicial attitudes toward older people, old age and aging itself.\u201d Shouldn\u2019t we present an entirely positive view of life\u2019s later years?<\/p>\n
Mostly we are <\/em>positive, but as I told her, I wouldn’t want to visit\u2014let alone write for\u2014a website that didn’t also acknowledge the downside of growing older because, of course, there is a downside. Unfortunately, thanks to ageism, that\u2019s all many people see, and before they\u2019ve even reached middle age, they begin to dread growing older. Clinging to their youth, they refuse to think about their own later life because they associate old age with decrepitude, dementia and death.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a tension between the need to challenge that mistaken, ageist view of aging\u2014to present a positive view\u2014and the need to acknowledge the reality: if you live long enough, eventually your health will<\/em> decline.<\/p>\n I\u2019m 81, and years ago I resolved this tension for myself when I came across the centuries-old idea of a green old age: a period when you might not be able to do all the things you used to do, as well as you used to do them, but there are also likely to be fewer demands on you and less stress. You may even be happier: studies show that happiness, satisfaction and a sense of well-being actually increase with age. If you think about it that way, you can look forward to your green years.<\/p>\n When exactly does a green old age begin and end? In England and the American colonies in the 16th<\/sup>, 17th<\/sup> and 18th<\/sup> centuries, people were said to be in it when they slowed down some. They were still fit and active but less than they used to be. Their green years ended and they were considered just plain old once they could no longer support themselves\u2014or perhaps even take care of themselves\u2014and needed help from others. But an individual\u2019s chronological age didn\u2019t really come into it; many people knew only roughly when they were born.<\/p>\n To me, that seems like a much better way to look at our ever-lengthening lifespans. For one thing, the older people are, the more different they are from others who are roughly the same age. As today\u2019s geriatricians sometimes put it, if you\u2019ve seen one 80-year-old, you\u2019ve seen one<\/em> 80-year-old. We age at our own speed in our own time.<\/p>\n Thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, a green old age today can last for many years. But not forever. How do older people feel, knowing that sooner, rather than later, their health will begin to fail\u2014and that they\u2019re not immortal after all?<\/p>\n I live in a retirement community, and I have friends and neighbors who used to be fit and active but are now struggling with illnesses and disabilities. Mostly, they cope amazingly well. Many have a sharp sense of humor and they\u2019re enjoying life despite its downside. Their examples reassure me.<\/p>\n As for the fear of dying, I\u2019m with Woody Allen, who once said, \u201cI’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.\u201d But dying scares me less now than it did when I was younger. And according to research, that\u2019s true of most people.<\/p>\n Still and all, I was taken aback recently when I realized that, because I\u2019m now over 80, by some people\u2019s standards I\u2019m \u201cold-old\u201d as opposed to \u201cyoung-old.\u201d That\u2019s the terminology researchers use and, for all I know, doctors too. Instead of thinking in terms of how well older people function, they divide us up by chronological age.<\/p>\n When it hit me that I\u2019m now old-old, I immediately felt more fragile. I wanted to protest that I haven\u2019t even retired and I walk at least a mile a day. I reacted that way partly because the term \u201cold-old\u201d was a reminder that my end is almost in sight, but it was also the ageist in me: that\u2019s not how I think of myself and I didn\u2019t want others to think of me that way either.<\/p>\n All our lives, we\u2019re subjected to negative images of older people and old age, and we tend to turn that against ourselves as we pass milestone birthdays\u2014like, say, 65. Or 80. And that\u2019s one of the drawbacks of defining life stages rigidly by age.<\/p>\n So hear me now: I may be old-old by some standards, but I\u2019m still in my green old age. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A friend of mine recently questioned something she read on this website that presented what she called \u201ca depressing view of aging.\u201d<\/p>\n