{"id":1660,"date":"2017-08-14T14:01:00","date_gmt":"2017-08-14T18:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.silvercentury.org\/2017\/09\/lying-to-mom\/"},"modified":"2018-05-01T09:44:19","modified_gmt":"2018-05-01T13:44:19","slug":"lying-to-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/2017\/08\/lying-to-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"Lying to Mom?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few years ago, a New York Times<\/em> New Old Age<\/em> blog had me thinking about my mother’s later-life driving. The blog is about lying to an older person<\/a>, ostensibly for his or her own good. In one tale, a grown daughter sabotages her mother’s driver’s license renewal to avoid confrontation over concerns about waning driving skills.<\/p>\n

My mother lived independently until she was in her late 60s. She drove, but not far and never at night. She had her routine and I had no reason to worry. Then she had a fender bender that bruised her ego. She got back behind the wheel, but less confidently. A second accident\u2014an over-correction on a rural road that took out a mailbox and left her with a gash above her eye\u2014prompted her to ask me to help her reconsider her future in the driver’s seat.<\/p>\n

We made the decision together because she worried that she would be a burden and her errands would fall to me. Truth be told, I selfishly enjoyed knowing she had the option to drive if she needed to. I could barely imagine how difficult it would be to give up that freedom, her independence. I worried she would be angry and frustrated when she felt cooped up because she was unaccustomed to asking for help.<\/p>\n

But we sat with the adding machine, calculated the money she would save on gas, repairs and insurance, then decided she could give herself that much allowance to hire a driver or to pay for a ride any time she felt like it. Still, it was a life-altering decision, and we both knew there would be hard times ahead.<\/p>\n

I have mixed feelings about benevolent lying. I would hope that adult children would respect the wisdom of their parents and choose to tell the truth whenever possible. In hindsight, I’d say my mother and I had it easy compared to friends who were forced to take away keys against a parent’s wishes. It would have been worse if we\u2019d lived apart and I was unavailable to help make and support a decision about driving. Fortunately, my mother’s choice was made before anyone was seriously hurt.<\/p>\n

And I never had to lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A few years ago, a New York Times<\/em> New Old Age<\/em> blog had me thinking about my mother’s later-life driving. The blog is about lying to an older person<\/a>, ostensibly for his or her own good. In one tale, a grown daughter sabotages her mother’s driver’s license renewal to avoid confrontation over concerns about waning driving skills.<\/p>\n

Read more Lying to Mom?<\/span> ›<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n

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