It\u2019s like cancer. Like a heart attack. Like death. Old age\u2014it\u2019s something that happens to other people. And it\u2019s not pretty.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s how some of us think of it, anyway, if we think of it at all.<\/p>\n
\u201cMost people in their 40s and 50s have a strong fear of aging and mostly imagine a bleak time of life,\u201d says Marc E. Agronin, MD, a geriatric psychiatrist and author of How We Age: A Doctor\u2019s Journey into the Heart of Growing Old<\/em> (2011).<\/p>\n But once they reach older age, many find it to be anything but bleak, and that can come as a surprise. People are thriving and learning well beyond the age their parents died or started declining. Celebrities like Betty White give a public face to this trend, but mothers, fathers and next-door neighbors are paving the way more personally in small towns and big cities across the country.<\/p>\n Instead of preparing for a quiet slope to death, perhaps we should be preparing for a vibrant life. \u201cIn my work as a geriatric psychiatrist I have learned that aging equals vitality, wisdom, creativity, spirit,<\/em> and, ultimately, hope<\/em>,\u201d Agronin writes in the introduction to his book (emphasis, his).<\/p>\n We found four people in their 70s and 80s who are living active, fulfilled lives and asked them to tell us how they got there. We found that comfortable finances and good health are important to them. But it\u2019s what they\u2019re doing with what they have that really makes the difference.<\/p>\n Doris VonFange, 86 In 1965, in the little town of Lincoln, KS, then 40-year-old Doris VonFange had a husband she loved, a wonderful daughter and a good job doing secretarial work and accounting. But something was bothering her.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I was 40, that was my hardest time,\u201d she says. \u201cI felt, what have I done with my life half over with?\u201d Mostly, she worried she hadn\u2019t given back enough\u2014hadn\u2019t helped others enough.<\/p>\n But this midlife crisis didn\u2019t last long, she says. She had a good life, after all. \u201cI felt blessed.\u201d And that was enough.<\/p>\n Until 1999, when the thing so many of us dread happened: her husband passed away, leaving her alone in that house they had lived in all their married life. \u201cI could not stay home,\u201d she says. It was too lonely.<\/p>\n So VonFange threw herself into volunteering. \u201cI volunteered as much as I could and everywhere I could,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n Our later years can be a time for each of us to define what older age means to us\u2014and what kind of elder we want to be.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Through the years, she has judged high school forensics competitions, helped the local arts center, acted as secretary and treasurer for her church, joined the library board and served as president of the local Council on Aging.<\/p>\n For VonFange, older life seems to be fulfilling what younger life didn\u2019t leave time and energy for. She enjoys other activities that stave off loneliness too. She loves going to concerts\u2014bluegrass, gospel, Bach. And she travels. She has taken trips with her niece to various states and has been to Canada twice, \u201conce by train, once by tour bus.\u201d<\/p>\n When asked what advice she would give people in their 40s and 50s, VonFange doesn\u2019t say save your money, as she did at that age. She doesn\u2019t tell you to live near family, an aspect of life that\u2019s very important to her now. She doesn\u2019t even preach exercise, though she walks regularly. Instead, what comes to mind for her is a different type of advice: be a good parent, spend time with your children, get involved with your community, love your neighbor as yourself.<\/p>\n Those are all nice things, to be sure, but one can\u2019t help but wonder why they\u2019re so important in preparing for your 80s. VonFange has a ready answer. \u201cIt brings contentment and a peace,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m very content here. I\u2019m very pleased God put me in this life.\u201d<\/p>\n Jack Biddle, 76 Jack Biddle has been a ski instructor, massage therapist and horse caretaker (\u201cmanure mover,\u201d as he calls it) since he retired at age 55.<\/p>\n After 31 years in information technology, \u201cI really kind of liked the idea of retiring,\u201d Biddle says. So in 1991, when his company tried to move him to a position he didn\u2019t want, he moved, all right\u2014right out of his career.<\/p>\n But Biddle\u2019s idea of retiring wasn\u2019t exactly traditional. \u201cI went from a five-day-a-week job, which I left on Friday, to a six-day-a-week job that I started on Saturday,\u201d he says. His new gig was ski instructor. When that job ended, he cared for horses.<\/p>\n Sounds like a free spirit. Live for today and all that. Of course, Biddle doesn\u2019t have to worry about finances because he was practical in younger years, saving money from a well-paying job. But there\u2019s another reason he\u2019s chosen such a carefree life. Cancer.<\/p>\n In 1992, at age 56\u2014the year after he retired\u2014Biddle was diagnosed with nonaggressive non-Hodgkin\u2019s lymphoma, a lymph cancer. So he decided to cut back on stress. Tossing hay bales didn\u2019t cause anxiety. And giving massages (he became a massage therapist in 1998) was as calming for him as it was for his clients.<\/p>\n The cancer remained nonaggressive for 16 years. But in 2008, despite his efforts to avoid stress, it turned aggressive\u2014a diagnosis he got three months after he broke his hip in a bicycling accident.<\/p>\n Now begins the real old age, right? Broken hip, cancer, downward spiral. A year after diagnosis, though his cancer had gone into remission, Biddle decided not to go back to work. He was truly retired.<\/p>\n But retirement is relative. These days, Biddle spends his time taking Spanish lessons and singing in the Boulder (CO) Chorale. Plus, there\u2019s bicycling, yoga and lifting weights.<\/p>\n \u201cThere was a time when I thought 60 was incredibly old, and nobody could expect to be in particularly good physical condition,\u201d Biddle says. Sure, he may not be as strong as he once was. But that happens when you\u2019ve been around long enough. It\u2019s not necessarily an age issue, he says. You just \u201cget beat up a bit.\u201d Big deal.<\/p>\n Diane and Jim Peiker, 75 and 76 When you visit the Castle Marne bed and breakfast in Denver, CO, you might notice a 76-year-old man working in the yard. \u201cI\u2019m the gardener,\u201d he\u2019ll tell you.<\/p>\n Inside this historic mansion, a 75-year-old woman walks by with a tray in her hands. Does she work here too? \u201cYes,\u201d she\u2019ll respond. \u201cI\u2019m the queen.\u201d<\/p>\n This gardener and his queen are the owners of this establishment. Jim and Diane Peiker bought the Castle Marne in 1988, when they were in their 50s. Their daughter and son-in-law work there too, and now one grandson is on the payroll.<\/p>\n In 1987, bad economic times put Jim and his daughter, Melissa, out of work. They had always thought of trying a family business. Why not now? \u201cNothing clicked until someone said, \u2018What about a bed and breakfast?\u2019\u201d Jim says. That was it. They found a place and renovated it, and the family works together there to this day. <\/p>\n \u201cPeople ask us, \u2018What are you going to do when you retire?\u2019\u201d Diane Peiker says. \u201cAnd we always say, \u2018We are retired.\u2019 This is a wonderful life that we have been lucky to find.\u201d<\/p>\n Of course, Jim says, they\u2019ve worked hard for it. They still work seven days a week, 18 hours a day. \u201cWe didn\u2019t open a bottle and there it was.\u201d But at the same time, all of this really wasn\u2019t supposed to happen. In fact, they weren\u2019t even supposed to be alive right now.<\/p>\n It never occurred to them that old age would come someday, Diane says. Both of their mothers died in their 50s. Living beyond that almost came as a surprise. \u201cWhen we passed that time, we just figured, wow, this is fun!\u201d<\/p>\n And they have made the most of these bonus years\u2014for themselves and their community. They helped transform the not-so-nice neighborhood their new business was in and have been honored by the city government and other organizations. \u201cWe are living lives that are far more involved than we ever did before,\u201d Jim says. \u201cWhen I get up in the morning, I\u2019m facing a wonderful day with wonderful experiences and interesting people to meet.\u201d<\/p>\n Across the nation, people like the Peikers, Biddle and VonFange are working out all kinds of lives for themselves, paving the way for each of us to define what older age means to us\u2014and what kind of elder we want to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s like cancer. Like a heart attack. Like death. Old age\u2014it\u2019s something that happens to other people. And it\u2019s not pretty. That\u2019s how some of us think of it, anyway, if we think of it at all. \u201cMost people in…<\/span><\/p>\n
\nVolunteer<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nJack of All Trades<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nBusiness Owners<\/strong><\/p>\n