{"id":5506,"date":"2019-04-26T06:40:21","date_gmt":"2019-04-26T10:40:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.silvercentury.org\/?p=5506"},"modified":"2019-04-26T06:40:21","modified_gmt":"2019-04-26T10:40:21","slug":"a-homemade-superstition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/2019\/04\/a-homemade-superstition\/","title":{"rendered":"A Homemade Superstition"},"content":{"rendered":"

I recently turned 84, and I\u2019m not happy about it. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that I mind being old. My problem is that my dad died when he was 84, and it\u2019s in the back of my mind that I might too.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not the only one who feels this way. Friends tell me that they have half-expected to breathe their last at the same age as a parent who died. We share a kind of homemade superstition: we didn\u2019t absorb it from the culture, we invented it for ourselves. <\/span><\/p>\n

The first time I experienced it, I was 14. I\u2019d been named for my father\u2019s sister, who died of complications from strep throat at 14, and I wondered whether the same thing would happen to me. The prospect didn\u2019t scare me\u2014I didn\u2019t really think it was likely, and anyway I was a teenager, so deep down I felt immortal. I did develop strep throat that year, but I survived it thanks to modern antibiotics. I felt vindicated: I\u2019d been partly right and I\u2019d lived to brag about it. <\/span><\/p>\n

The second time I was faced with a family expiration date, my mother was the model. She died at 50. I don\u2019t remember actually worrying about whether I\u2019d make 51, but it was a relief to get there. <\/span><\/p>\n

For many people, this kind of superstition is, I think, on a par with carrying a rabbit\u2019s foot when you\u2019re a kid or playing your lucky number repeatedly in the lottery as an adult. You sort of believe in what you\u2019re doing and you sort of don\u2019t. <\/span><\/p>\n

So at 84, I feel as if my life has acquired a deadline once again, though rationally I realize that if I kick the bucket during the next year, it will be a coincidence, not fate. <\/span><\/p>\n

Still, the possibility is there at the back of my mind. But so is the possibility that I\u2019ll reach 85 with an especially good reason to celebrate, much as I did when I turned 15 and 51.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently turned 84, and I\u2019m not happy about it. It\u2019s not that I mind being old. My problem is that my dad died when he was 84, and it\u2019s in the back of my mind that I might too.…<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more A Homemade Superstition<\/span> ›<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n

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