{"id":6604,"date":"2021-06-17T07:44:40","date_gmt":"2021-06-17T11:44:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.silvercentury.org\/?p=6604"},"modified":"2021-06-17T07:44:40","modified_gmt":"2021-06-17T11:44:40","slug":"the-father-dementia-from-the-inside","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/2021\/06\/the-father-dementia-from-the-inside\/","title":{"rendered":"The Father: \u00a0Dementia from the Inside"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Father <\/span><\/i>has received much attention and won two (in my opinion well-deserved) Academy Awards. It engages viewers as no other movie about dementia has because they experience the effects of the disease the way the person living with it does\u2014a stunning artistic achievement by writer-director Florian Zeller and actors Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Colman.<\/span><\/p>\n

The film has moments of humor and moments in which we admire Anthony, the father (played by Anthony Hopkins), for his determination to hold onto his independence. But overall, there\u2019s no denying it is a heartbreaking movie.<\/span><\/p>\n

Before you decide to see it, ask yourself if you <\/span>want<\/span><\/i> to see what it\u2019s like to live with dementia. If fear dominates your view of Alzheimer\u2019s, that may prevent you from reaping the rewards of this film.<\/span><\/p>\n

But if you are truly interested in how the world looks and feels to people living with dementia and want to better understand them, this movie presents a unique opportunity. It broke my heart, but I\u2019m grateful for the deeper insight it gave me into someone trying to cope with cognitive loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Father<\/span><\/i> opens with a familiar struggle between the person with the disease and his carer. Anthony lives in his own apartment in London. His daughter, Anne, feels he needs the help of a full-time aide, but he disagrees and keeps firing those she hires. She is under pressure to get him set up securely because she is planning to move to France. After being single for five years following a divorce, Anne has fallen in love with a man who lives in Paris.<\/span><\/p>\n

This sets the baseline for the story\u2014or so we assume.<\/span><\/p>\n

But as scene two unfolds, everything in that baseline is thrown into doubt. We are no longer sure whose apartment Anthony is in after he finds a strange man sitting in the living room who claims it is <\/span>his<\/span><\/i> flat. He also claims to be Anne\u2019s husband, so we are no longer certain if she is married or divorced. <\/span><\/p>\n

Understandably Anthony is confused by all this, so the husband decides to call Anne and summon her home from shopping.<\/span><\/p>\n

Soon we hear the door open.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Anthony: \u201cAh. There she is.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But when he sees her, Anthony looks frightened and bewildered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs something wrong?\u201d she asks.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is this nonsense?\u201d he says.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Anne?\u201d Anthony demands.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>Anne!\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here. I just went to do some shopping, and now I\u2019m back.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

This scene could be from any film about dementia. It\u2019s the uh-oh-now-he-doesn\u2019t-recognize-his-own-daughter moment from many a caregiver\u2019s story. And in another film what we would feel is the loss this represents for the family member.<\/span><\/p>\n

But this time we feel something quite different because we are inside Anthony\u2019s mind. We experience it the same way <\/span>he<\/span><\/i> does. Director Zeller accomplishes this by showing us exactly what Anthony sees and allowing us to know only what Anthony knows.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Anne enters, it\u2019s not only her father who doesn\u2019t recognize her; neither do we. This isn\u2019t the Anne we met in scene one! We immediately suspect that something nefarious is going on. <\/span><\/p>\n

Anthony speaks for us too when he says, \u201cThere\u2019s something funny going on here, believe me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

This film\u2019s power comes from positioning the viewer so as to<\/span> live<\/span><\/i> the experience of the person with dementia, not just<\/span> watch<\/span><\/i> it. There is no way we can distance ourselves emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is exactly Zeller\u2019s intent: to have us <\/span>feel<\/span><\/i> what it is like to be losing our bearings. <\/span><\/p>\n

To achieve this, he confuses us about some of the things that someone with cognitive impairment finds hard to keep track of: time, place and person.<\/span><\/p>\n

To let us feel Anthony\u2019s vanishing sense of time, Zeller scrambles it. Are we in Anne\u2019s post-divorce time or when she is still married? It\u2019s hard to tell because for a good part of the movie, her husband is present as her husband. Events suggest that these may be bad memories that Anthony can\u2019t stop from seeping into the present. Some scenes repeat in altered form. One scene even circles around and ends where it started.<\/span><\/p>\n

Zeller disorients us to place by continually making small changes in the apartment where Anthony lives. A piano disappears and is replaced by a sideboard. Walls change color. Kitchen cabinets and backsplashes change. All this is done so subtly we barely notice, but it is enough to unsettle us.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not at all subtle is Zeller\u2019s way of confusing us about person. By casting a different actor as Anne in the second scene, he makes us feel how unnerving and frightening it is to be told that the stranger in front of you is your daughter or wife.<\/span><\/p>\n

Frightening. In 28 years of talking about this very issue with caregivers in the support groups I lead, no one, not even I, has mentioned that fear. We didn\u2019t detect it because our focus was elsewhere. On the caregiver\u2019s hurt and loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was as sure as Anthony was that the woman wasn\u2019t Anne, and to hear her insisting that she was scared me. It felt as though the movie had taken a terrible turn. <\/span><\/p>\n

So effective is Zeller at making us share Anthony\u2019s perspective, we hear things others say to him in a new way. Things we ourselves may have at least thought, if not said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anne\u2019s husband says to Anthony in exasperation, \u201cSometimes I wonder if you are doing it deliberately.\u201d By this time, Anthony\u2019s bewilderment has become our own, and the statement feels cruel.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anne is a kind and loving daughter but under pressure makes the same mistakes we all do. We see with shame how dismissive we can be of the concerns of the person with dementia because we don\u2019t give them due weight.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an exchange between Anthony and Anne. They are at breakfast and awaiting the arrival of an aide he had decided he liked. Anthony is in his pajamas. The doorbell rings and Anthony panics because he is not yet dressed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anne: \u201cYou can get dressed later.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Anthony: \u201cNo. No. I must get dressed!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Anne replies, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Anthony<\/span>,<\/span> desperately<\/span>:<\/span> \u201cIt <\/span>does<\/span><\/i> matter!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Anne<\/span>:<\/span> \u201cShe\u2019s outside the door!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Anthony<\/span>:<\/span> \u201cPlease don\u2019t leave me alone. What will she think of me? I\u2019ve got to be properly dressed.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Anne continues to dismiss his concern as she goes down the hall to answer the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

This amounts to emotional abandonment.<\/span><\/p>\n

It won\u2019t come as a surprise to caregivers that Anthony can dole out plenty of cruelty himself. He fights to maintain control. With judgment and inhibition failing, he lashes out at Anne and derogates her to others. The hurt registers immediately on Olivia Colman\u2019s marvelously expressive face.<\/span><\/p>\n

This intimate step into a life with dementia is heartbreaking. But if you let it break your heart open to compassion, you\u2019ll find it\u2019s also surprisingly uplifting. Your awakened compassion will show you the deep humanity\u2014and the need for love\u2014that dementia can\u2019t erase. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Father <\/span>is showing in theaters as pandemic restrictions ease, or you can rent it on streaming platforms such as Amazon Prime Video, Apple, Fandango, Google, YouTube and Vudu. Seeing it more than once is possible with streaming and can help you sort out some of the contradictions.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Father has received much attention and won two (in my opinion well-deserved) Academy Awards. It engages viewers as no other movie about dementia has because they experience the effects of the disease the way the person living with it…<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more The Father: \u00a0Dementia from the Inside<\/span> ›<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":6605,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_caption":"","_FSMCFIC_featured_image_nocaption":null,"_FSMCFIC_featured_image_hide":null,"footnotes":""},"categories":[79,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-voices-views"],"cc_featured_image_caption":{"caption_text":"","source_text":"","source_url":""},"wps_subtitle":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6604"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6606,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6604\/revisions\/6606"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6605"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}