{"id":6872,"date":"2022-03-03T07:58:22","date_gmt":"2022-03-03T12:58:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.silvercentury.org\/?p=6872"},"modified":"2022-03-03T07:58:22","modified_gmt":"2022-03-03T12:58:22","slug":"getting-older-with-grace-and-gratitude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/78.142.243.82\/~silvercentury\/2022\/03\/getting-older-with-grace-and-gratitude\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Older with Grace\u2014and Gratitude"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a cruel twist of timing, Sally Magnuson\u2019s husband of 55 years died of COVID-19 on February 10, 2021\u2014the very day the couple was scheduled to get their first vaccines. Around the same time, Magnuson, 80, of Plano, TX, also contracted COVID; she spent weeks in the hospital and relied on supplemental oxygen for months afterward. <\/span><\/p>\n

Despite all that, she still starts each day with gratitude.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u201cI literally thank God daily for my life and for what I have,\u201d said Magnuson. She recounted her blessings: she was hospitalized but never needed to be intubated; she had excellent medical care; she had the support of friends, who brought meals and flowers. <\/span><\/p>\n

She recalled the time her nurse asked her to call if she needed anything; the nurse was occupied with a patient who was dying that day. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI knew I was so much better off than that poor man,\u201d Magnuson said. \u201cEven with everything that\u2019s happened, there\u2019s a lot to be grateful for. I\u2019m a lucky person.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Today, Magnuson is on the mend and regaining strength. As a growing body of research suggests, her grateful spirit may have helped her get there. Gratitude can make people healthier, happier and more satisfied with life.  <\/span><\/p>\n

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Gratitude can help lower your blood pressure and improve immunity, and you\u2019re less likely to become anxious or depressed. <\/b><\/h4>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u201cGratitude is literally one of the few things that can measurably change peoples\u2019 lives,\u201d wrote Robert Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California at Davis and a leading expert on the science of gratitude. \u201cGratitude has one of the strongest links to mental health and satisfaction with life of any personality trait\u2014more so than even optimism, hope or compassion.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The long list of health benefits associated with gratitude includes lowered blood pressure, improved immune function and better sleep, as well as reduced risk for depression, anxiety and substance abuse. Heart patients who practice gratitude may recover more quickly. Grateful people also tend to have better habits: they exercise more, eat healthier and are less likely to smoke or abuse alcohol. <\/span><\/p>\n

Regulating one\u2019s emotions is fundamental to increasing an older person\u2019s number of healthy years, and gratitude aids in that, according to Daniel Levitin, PhD, author of <\/span>Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives <\/span><\/i>(2020).<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGratitude causes us to focus on what\u2019s good about our lives rather than what\u2019s bad, shifting our outlook toward the positive,\u201d he said.  <\/span><\/p>\n

This research supports the wisdom that traditions have taught for thousands of years: gratitude works. All the world\u2019s major religions teach the need for gratitude. It\u2019s one of eight core teachings of yoga.<\/span> Cicero called gratitude \u201cnot only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Not-So-Secret Weapon<\/b><\/p>\n

What exactly is gratitude? <\/span><\/p>\n

Psychological studies tend to compare groups of people who\u2019ve completed some type of gratitude exercise\u2014such as keeping a list of things they\u2019re grateful for\u2014to control groups that completed a similar but neutral exercise, such as writing down what they ate for breakfast. But gratitude has many facets. It can mean reflecting on good things in one\u2019s life, expressing thanks to God or a higher power, expressing thanks to others or even receiving words of gratitude.  <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrom the psychotherapeutic point of view, we tend to focus on the kind of gratitude that\u2019s centered on appreciating one\u2019s blessings and communicating to others the meaning and value they have for you in your life,\u201d said Brian Carpenter, PhD, professor of psychological and brain sciences at Washington University in St. Louis, MO.<\/span><\/p>\n

Experiencing gratitude does not mean glossing over real challenges that need acknowledgement and attention, Carpenter said, stressing that gratitude is a coping strategy that should be offered to\u2014but not imposed upon\u2014older adults. He cautioned that staying rigidly determined to focus gratefully on the positive, and willfully ignoring negatives, could veer into a form of denial.<\/span><\/p>\n

But a sense of gratitude may be a particularly powerful tool for helping older adults face the challenges of aging. When confronted with illness or the need to depend on others for help, the choice to respond with gratitude can create a sense of control. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Expressing gratitude can make you feel less helpless, more in control. <\/b><\/h4>\n<\/blockquote>\n

M.K. Werner, 62, of Plano, TX, recognized that when she underwent treatment for cancer 11 years ago. While at the hospital, Werner resolved to thank every person who helped her along the way. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf someone came into my room to clean, I thanked them,\u201d she said. \u201cIf someone put towels in the dispenser in my room, I thanked them. It became something I could do. I was completely powerless over what was happening with my body, but I could choose my attitude and how I treated people.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Although it wasn\u2019t her intent, Werner thinks her expressions of gratitude resulted in better, more attentive medical care. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNurses would tell me they had asked for me, or they were happy to have me on their list of patients that day,\u201d she said. \u201cI think they knew I appreciated them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Barbara Morris of Surprise, AZ, also boosts her sense of agency by expressing gratitude. At age 93, she must rely on others to drive her and assist with other chores. Gratitude makes her feel less helpless. She says \u201cThank you\u201d whenever she can. She assists helpful family<\/span> members financially from time to time. And she loves to send flowers to people who\u2019ve done something kind for her. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt not only makes them feel good, it makes me feel good,\u201d she said.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Older and More Grateful<\/b><\/p>\n

The capacity for feeling and expressing gratitude seems to grow with age. One <\/span>2017 study<\/span><\/a> reported that the experience of gratitude was greatest in older adults, compared to other age groups. Researchers speculate that older people may be more aware that time is limited, and that can lead to feelings of gratitude. <\/span><\/p>\n

Loss, an inevitable part of aging, can also heighten a sense of gratitude. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIronically, tragedy often catapults people toward gratitude whereas constant good fortune can actually make it hard to feel grateful,\u201d wrote Mary Pipher, PhD, in <\/span>Women Rowing North: Navigating Life\u2019s Currents and Flourishing as We Age<\/span><\/i> (2019). \u201cPrivileged people may habituate to a comfortable, easy life.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Jane Yancey, 81, of Plano, TX, connects her grateful spirit, in part, to losses she\u2019s experienced in life. She grew up hearing her parents\u2019 stories of sacrifice and hardship during the Great Depression. Her first husband was killed in a car accident; her parents took care of her one-year-old child while she worked. Then she met her second husband, who raised her daughter as his own. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m grateful I had a family to help me,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m grateful for my supportive husband. I\u2019m thankful and grateful for every breath I take. I thank God for every day I\u2019m still above the grass!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Yancey wonders if her children, now grown, will have the same capacity for gratitude, or will understand how fortunate they have been.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know if it\u2019s as easy to be grateful if you\u2019ve never been without,\u201d she said. <\/span><\/p>\n

Some say it becomes easier to practice gratitude as you grow older. <\/b><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Receiving expressions of gratitude can be life changing, said Benny Barrett, 72, a retired police officer in Dallas, TX. Years ago, Barrett arrested a young man and testified in the trial that resulted in a prison term. After he was released from prison, the young man asked to speak to Barrett. <\/span><\/p>\n

The young man\u2019s message: thank you.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe poured out his heart to me,\u201d Barrett said. \u201cHe was grateful I\u2019d taken him away from a bad situation and people who were a negative influence.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

The encounter affected Barrett deeply. Going forward, he said he treated offenders with more empathy, as human beings with the potential for redemption.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Older people may experience gratitude more consistently simply because they have more time. Christel Autuori, director of the Institute for Holistic Health Studies at Western Connecticut State University, teaches a gratitude practice to students as a stress management tool. The students are asked to write five things each morning for which they are grateful, and to keep them in mind throughout the day; students report this simple habit helps them stay more positive. <\/span><\/p>\n

College students tend to be wrapped up in themselves and their studies, Autuori said, but she thinks it\u2019s easier to practice what she preaches as she gets older. For example, Autuori has lived in the same home in Connecticut for 40 years. It has a long driveway through the woods. When her children were young, she said, she\u2019d power up that driveway with \u201cblinders\u201d on, never paying attention. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow that my kids are out and on their own, I\u2019m able to see the forest for the trees,\u201d she said. \u201cI take time every day to appreciate the beauty that has always been there.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Cultivating Gratitude <\/b><\/p>\n

A few months ago, while struggling with low-grade depression, Teri Ervin, 64, of Dallas, TX, decided to renew a daily practice of gratitude. Each day, before she gets out of bed, Ervin reads aloud a list of all that she\u2019s thankful for\u2014her health, her husband, her home. She tries to add a new item each day, perhaps related to her plans for the day. If she\u2019s meeting a friend for lunch, for example, she expresses gratitude for that friendship. Over coffee, she writes about what makes her grateful, using a box of cards with written prompts. In just a few months, she already sees a change.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI noticed a huge shift in many aspects of my internal life and my close relationships,\u201d she said. \u201cIt makes life much easier.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Simply choosing to be grateful isn\u2019t enough to gain its benefits; most people need strategies to keep grateful thoughts alive. Author Emmons encourages people to adopt a gratitude practice, as Ervin did. That might take the form of journaling, writing letters to express gratitude to people who\u2019ve been positive influences in one\u2019s life, or even gratitude visits\u2014meeting with a friend or acquaintance who was particularly helpful at some point. <\/span><\/p>\n

Gratitude can serve as an emotional signpost for older adults as they look back on their lives or embark on a new phase. In her practice as a retirement coach, Dorian Mintzer, PhD, 76, of Boston, MA, encourages her clients to start with gratitude as they begin to envision how they\u2019d like to use their \u201cbonus years\u201d after leaving the workforce.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen people take time to reflect back on their lives\u2014the good, the bad and the ugly\u2014 they appreciate what they\u2019ve come through, and they often feel gratitude,\u201d she said. That, in turn, helps clarify what they want for the next phase of life. <\/span><\/p>\n

Carpenter, of Washington University, saw the power of gratitude in the case of a client who was struggling with depression. The man had chosen to make a major life transition in his mid-80s. A series of setbacks followed; the client began to question his choices and blame himself. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe wondered if his life would\u2019ve been just fine had he just stayed put,\u201d Carpenter said. \u201cBut he managed to work himself through that by adopting a stance of gratitude, by acknowledging that, despite the real adversity he was facing, he still had a lot to be thankful for.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure enough, with time, the client\u2019s depression began to lift. His optimistic spirit returned, and he was able to embrace life again. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor him, gratitude was really a lifeline,\u201d said Carpenter. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a cruel twist of timing, Sally Magnuson\u2019s husband of 55 years died of COVID-19 on February 10, 2021\u2014the very day the couple was scheduled to get their first vaccines. Around the same time, Magnuson, 80, of Plano, TX, also…<\/span><\/p>\n

Read more Getting Older with Grace\u2014and Gratitude<\/span> ›<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n

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